In the spirit of last week's top ten, here's a new top ten list: the ten countries with the coolest history:
1. France - France has got the two things I'm most interested in: awesome wars and rich, powerful people having sex with each other. Its also got my favorite revolution, because how many other revolutions featured the guillotine and deteriorated into tyranny so bad that Napoleon looked good?
2. England - English history teeters off a little bit after the Georges take over, but man the Tudors did some crazy things. Pretty much any king who got a Shakespeare play is awesome and their civil war is pretty exciting. Plus they have their own William Henry Harrison: Lady Jane Grey, who was Queen for 9 days.
3. Russia - Russia had czars instead of kings, a fucking wizard who advised their leader, and a revolution. So, why not number one? Because this is apparently a myth.
4. Japan - This ranking isn't just about the samurai...
5. China - They keep to themselves, and I respect that. But they're also missing out on the next level sex and violence of some of these other countries.
6. Ethiopia - Did you know Ethiopia was never colonized by a European power? Because Ethiopians are pretty hardcore.
7. America - We're too young to be any higher, but we've packed some cool shit into the last 400 years, between the pilgrims, the Revolution, the West, and the 1920s.
8. Italy - Yeah, you had the Roman Empire, but except for the Renaissance (which is more of an artistic movement and not really involved in this discussion) there hasn't been much else to Italian history.
9. India - I find India's colonial period absolutely fascinating, plus four major religions started there.
10. Australia - Did your country start as a prison colony? That's what I thought.
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