Shorter Hazards of Love Review

The Decemberists have finally made their full-on, no holds barred, Black Sabbath record. Don't sweat the narrative (it doesn't really matter that much) and you'll have a good time.

Longer review forthcoming.

An Open Letter to Football Night in America

Dear Football Night in America,

Please use the flex option to make Packers-Lions the Week 17 game. History may be made a Lambeau Field and we all deserve the chance to gather around and toast this awesome season one last time, with a historic game that has absolutely no playoff implications.

5 Things I'm Still Trying to Understand from Week 12

A little football for you guys, with what we hope will be a weekly segment:

1. The Panthers Defense: A little homerism out of the way. I haven't been able to watch a full Panthers game all year (stupid Ohio), but I was under the impression that our strong point was the defense. Boy was I wrong! 45 points? Against Matt Ryan? Where was Julius Peppers? Jon Beason? I'll put it this way: when Jake Delhomme is the high point, its a bad day for Carolina.

2. Randy Moss: Dear Randy Moss, you have sucked this season. Its not entirely your fault. Prettyboy got taken down in week one and since then you've had Matt Leinart's backup throwing 5-10 yard passes. So when Miami decides to shift coverage towards people who, you know, ARE GETTING THROWN TO, its not a personal assault on your honor.

3. Joey Porter: Let's choose to think of J-Po as an overachiever - the kid in the class who complains when he gets an A- - and not a 250 pound infant with a god complex.

4. The Titans WR Corps: HAHAHAHA. Remember when these guys were going to win the Super Bowl? Thank you Jets. Thank you so much.

5. 837 points: You know what the crazy thing is? Oakland, Buffalo, and Kansas City combined for 116 of those points.

Next week: Thanksgiving football becomes even more meaningless! Chicago and Minnesota try to sort out who's the least mediocre! I am forced to root for Marmalard!

I have a problem

This is the Buffalo Dipped Chicken Sandwich



Its one of two flavor dipped chicken sandwiches at Wendy's (the other is a BBQ sauce one). The concept is simple, take one of Wendy's fried chicken breasts and soak it in delicious, delicious sauce.

I'm not going to lie, this looks like the best thing fast food has ever created. I would unspeakable things to this sandwich if I ever got my hands on one. And yet, I can't bring myself to go to Wendy's to eat it. Money and time make it very rare for me to find a time to actually be able to go and eat out and, frankly, when the opportunity comes it feels like it would be a waste to go to Wendy's.

And yet this sandwich is haunting me. Somehow every TV show I watch on every channel features advertising for this sandwich. It seems to be following me around, everywhere I go, haunting me. Everyone I talk to about it (and believe me, I've talked to a number of people about it) seems to think this is the most disgusting thing they've ever heard of, and they think I'm crazy. Some day I will eat this sandwich. And it will be glorious.

The new Los Campesinos!

I got We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed last night and all I can say is goddamn. Releasing two albums in seven months is hard enough, but releasing two that are this good? This is a very special band.

NEW CHARLIE KAUFMAN! WOO!

Yes, after what has felt like a very long four years, Charlie Kaufman has a new movie coming out. And it looks strange. In the best way possible.

While you're killing time before it comes out, why not check out this 2 and a half hour long interview that Wired has posted from him.

Gossip Girl

At the risk of surrendering my man license, allow me to make the following confession: My name is Jonathan Gardner and I’m addicted to Gossip Girl. Its not because of the writing, which is stilted and asinine at best. And its not because of the acting (apparently drama classes are not offered at the anonymous prep school that the characters attend). But on a much deeper level, Gossip Girl is the ultimate frenemy drama for our blog-addled times. Just like 24 captured the spirit of post 9/11 America and The Wire brilliantly used Baltimore as a stand in for an entire country ravaged by the war on drugs, Gossip Girl perfectly embodies the age of Gawker and TMZ.

For those who haven’t seen it, the show is about a pack of rich kids who, despite not being particularly intelligent or talented, are super rich and therefore form the center of a world that goes beyond just the school and extends to the entire Upper East Side of New York. Watching their every move is Gossip Girl, the unseen blogger who recounts their every exploit for her hoards of readers. Last season the ostensibly 16 and 17 year old characters had no problem ordering a martini from a hotel bar or getting into an exclusive club, a motif that seemed ridiculous until you remember the underage exploits of Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lynn Spears. It seems equally silly that there would be a blogger who devotes 100% of her time to tracking the actions of what is essentially a clique of high schoolers, but in this time when someone can become wildly famous simply for going to parties, the premise is strangely plausible.

This is not to dismiss the show’s many problems. Most of the show’s main characters are incredibly boring, especially Dan and Serena, the main romantic couple, who have spent the last seven or eight episodes behaving like no one in the history of the world has ever behaved (Serena, in particular, seems to have had a lobotomy around the time of the strike and has never fully recovered). Indeed, the show has come to rely heavily upon the antics of its resident manipulators, Blair and Chuck, to bring the scandal. On the weeks where they don’t do anything particularly interesting the show is just dull. And the writing is incoherent, oscillating wildly between slyly critiquing the culture of excess and reveling in it, depending on what they need to happen from minute to minute.

This season, in particular, seems to have suffered from any truly buzz worthy moments. Nate’s fling with an older woman is pretty tired terrain and the storyline with Blair’s summer boyfriend turning out to be an English lord was more LOL than OMG. It appears that after a season of scandal and intrigue, the writers have left themselves with nowhere to go but bland. Unlike the truly great high school shows like Veronica Mars and Buffy that focused on the outsiders, Gossip Girl has aligned itself with the cool kids, a strategy that usually causes shows to run out of steam quickly.

And yet, this show is not done yet. Blair’s evilness, for the time being anyway, continues to carry it along nicely (along with Kristen Bell’s hilariously smarmy voiceovers). And even at its shallowest, Gossip Girl is too addictive to stop. Lost may be revolutionizing television storytelling and Mad Men continues to do so much with tiny moments, but there’s something very relevant about a show where people use gossip as a weapon. It may be completely unrealistic when compared to the lives of the average high schooler, but Gossip Girl perfectly reflects what we all see on our television and computer screens.

B-

The Stand Ins

Its always dangerous when rock starts write music about how hard it is to be a rock star, but in last year’s seminal release The Stage Names, Okkervil River frontman Will Sheff managed to capture how unglamorous the daily grind of being a musician really is. A little over a year after releasing that album, Okkervil River has returned with The Stand Ins. Recorded at the same time as The Stage Names and originally intended to be released with it as a double album, The Stand Ins is less of a direct sequel and more of a continued rumination on the same themes of the struggles and failures of near success.

The major difference between the albums is the amount of space that Sheff has included in this one. Whereas The Stage Names had Sheff declaring that life “is just a bad movie where there’s no crying,” within seconds of the album starting, The Stand Ins begins with a brief instrumental. While The Stage Names benefited from being packed full of Sheff’s witty wordplay and angry observations, its nice to have a little more breathing room this time. Once “Lost Coastlines” kicks in, the album really gets going. The catchy first single, “Lost Coastlines” is a twangy song that builds slowly from a great bassline. It also features vocals from Jonathan Meiburg, the band’s guitarist who has left to focus on Shearwater. However, Lost Coastlines isn’t the only song that cribs off of the sound of 1970s AM radio. From the Dylanesque insult song “Singer Songwriter” to the jangly “Calling and Not Calling My Ex” the album has a warmer, slower sound than previous Okkervil albums.

Which is not to say that the songs lack the emotional punch of those earlier albums. Starry Stairs, which finds Sheff crooning the sad story of a porn star over Stax Records-style horns, has an especially potent moment where the horns swell as Sheff sings “I am alive/but a different kind of alive/than the way I used to be.” “Calling and Not Calling My Ex” is about having an ex who gets famous and hits its heartbreaking climax when Sheff sings “you look the same on TV as when you were mine.” Most surprising is the new wavey “Pop Lie,” which has Sheff railing against “the liar who lied in his pop song.”

Watching Sheff turn his poison pen against the shallowness and falsity of the music industry and the touring life has been a pleasure. The Stand Ins is not as life-changingly epic as its predecessor, but it ups the subtlety without toning down the darkness. The cycle of songs ends with a song about a fictional interview with middling pop star Bruce Wayne Campbell, who perfectly sums up the album when he confesses that he’s “sick with singing the same songs in the bars they’ll soon be drinking, let me cash my check and sing along.”

Fringe Review Up

Check it

Holy Crap

No one line has better summed up the Republicans opinion on everything since the 1960s than this

One of the reasons that so many Republicans (not me) have been so delighted by the Palin pick is precisely that it represents an attempt to beat the Democrats at their own game. I can understand why Democrats are reacting now so negatively — one's own game never looks so nice when one sees somebody else playing it!

Where others see genuine harm being done by racism or sexism, the Republicans see a game to be co-opted and played.